Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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