Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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