I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Is it because I queefed?
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
