the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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