I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
