I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
