We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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