So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
