giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
