This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
