I will die if light touches me.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
