We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
