Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I did not marry a roomba.
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