The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You're like the curious george of whores
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
You made out with two different species that night
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
