Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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