i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
me + whiskey = a bad person
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
