I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
