we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
it's like iHOP with fire
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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