Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
