Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
