I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
