Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
