I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
