I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
