i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
