oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
