I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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