You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Randomize
