Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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