it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
