Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
