goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
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