Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
