I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
