jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
