His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Randomize
