You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
