in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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