im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize