He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
