i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
