i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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