What did we do last night that was yellow?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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