Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
