you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
