you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize