Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
