Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
