She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
