Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
