my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
