Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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