I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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