Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Randomize
