I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Houston, we have a blender
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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