She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize