Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
