This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
well you can't waste a boner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
