you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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