i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
