Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
