Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
