I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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