Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
