I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
